So this week’s update/rant is something special. See, a long time ago, maybe at best three or four years, I made the decision to stop gaming. Video games had been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, until I tried to quit gaming cold turkey.

Now if you are a gamer and enjoy what you enjoy, don’t let this little rant stop you from loving your hobby. For me though, I have always known writing is my number one passion. But I could never balance gaming with writing. So, I quit gaming for a time and it had done me some good. I found time to write and enjoy what I love.

Thing is though, gaming has been such a huge part of my life that occasionally that siren’s call pulls me back in. And I’m kind of shocked that I’ve been without gaming a good three years now. Especially since all of my entertainment media is tied to a PS4. In fact, I’m flabbergasted that I haven’t been gaming more, actually.

Recently, I fell back into gaming and man, what a rush that I’m still recovering from while writing this on 5/20.

Strap in, dear reader, it's time for me to get this long overdue confession out and in the open. Yes, I am a gamer at heart and cannot deny that I spend countless hours absorbed in the hobby. I’ve been gaming since I was 5 years old, back when the Nintendo Entertainment System was all the rage. I will never forget that one Christmas day, when I unwrapped that huge box and was like, “Oh, a video game thing, that’s cool, but I want to play with my Optimus Prime.”

I am so dating myself here with this but yeah, believe it or not I was more fascinated with my Transformers toys then with the NES. But a couple days passed after my folks set the system up in my playroom. I wake up at the earlier hours, perhaps five or maybe even four AM. I found myself in the room, the TV on, a rectangular controller in hand, and the lights and sounds of Super Mario Brothers completely enthralling me.

Yeah, and that’s when things go off the rails. I played the NES right up until the Nintendo 64 came out, renting and buying all kinds of games but only ever investing time into a select few. I will stand by this, the N64 is my favorite retro console. I grew up with the NES but the N64 was when my mind and body could game hard and love every minute of it.

And then the PC came into my life, our first computer could barely process DOOM. It took Doom Guy a good minute to register a mouse click before firing. Now calculators and watches can play DOOM, oh how far the gaming hobby has come.

Thinking back on it, my obsession with gaming was a driving force to be creative, just as much as writing. Sadly, I never got into programming or any form of art. In hindsight though, it might have been for the best. At some point in my life, I finished with school and was looking for work. And at that time, gaming was all I had.

I had written some stories where and there and even tried drawing my own comics. But gaming was always at the forefront of my attention. In fact, many stories and drawings were mere expressions of this hobby that consumed me. Heck, one of my blog stories, “Zombie Xapper” was a concept based on a video game idea I had.

In my time between finishing school and trying to find a job, I had three PC games that always held my attention. Borderlands (the first one), Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, and Fallout: New Vegas. I did the math with Borderlands, since I never deleted a saved character, and I estimated over 1000 hours playing that game alone. Skyrim and New Vegas easily have six, maybe even seven hours each of my time.

Gaming is an addiction and soon, I stopped playing and became obsessed with Lets Players and hours and hours of other people gaming. Yes, Youtube had replaced gaming for me all together because at some point, I felt an emptiness that no amount of Borderlands or Skyrim or New Vegas could fill. I tried other games for a time but became more annoyed than interested in progressing in them.

I lost my touch, I lost my power.

I became more interested in watching others play, seeing their wanderlust and excitement for what was ahead. But soon, even that waned thin on me. As a third party looking from the outside, I started to see the repetition and discord around the hobby. Gaming events like E3 became more a source for entertainment by hecklers then filled with any cheer. It got to the point where no amount of sales on Steam could convince me to game again.

So, I gave the hobby up completely, especially after one fateful November, when a lot of my friends were talking about writing a novel in a month, I put my hands on the keyboard and gave it a shot. The story I wrote is a mess but there are parts of it I like and I would not mind having a professional editor give me their opinion.

But everyday I wrote, I loved every minute of it and felt fulfilled after every chapter was completed.

I owe a lot of my new drive to writing from Terry Pratchett, after reading a few of his entries in the Discworld series, I have been inspired to write again and learned to love writing just as much as gaming back at the peak of my interest in the hobby. The story I wrote in that fateful November was more inspired by HP Lovecraft and the many, many horror games LPs I watch.

Yes, even as I drifted from the hobby, I could not, nor will I ever, truly escape gaming.

Case in point, I do get the bug to game again on occasions. My most recent binge had been an MMORPG called “Warframe” on my PS4. I got super into that game but soon hit a wall where my skills could not keep up with the arcadey insanity. Seriously, some of the later levels just got way too much for me. And I’m all for the grind, my three main games were all RPGs and my love for the grind should be evidence of that. But Warframe got out of hand IMO but damn, I had fun while it lasted. Playing as a space ninja never truly gets boring.

At one point the OS on my very old PC decided that it just did not want to connect to the internet anymore. My whole Steam account was tied to this PC and while I could get a new one, I’m just fine with the laptop I have. And I made a solemn vow never to let Steam onto this laptop, otherwise no writing would get done at all.

Before I lost access to Steam, one game in particular became my main. It appealed to me on all fronts, it was an RPG, it had playing cards, I did not have to give the Hero any direct input, they just went around a loop killing what monsters I laid before them. That’s right, I’m talking about LOOP HERO, possibly one of the most wicked chronophage I had ever played in my entire life.

Loop Hero was my last main obsession before my PC crapped out and before I gave Warframe a try. I spent hours and hours and hours with this game. If not for my internet going down on my main gaming PC, I could have matched or even surpassed my time with Borderlands. I took it as an act of some higher being that wanted me to write after I lost the internet for my PC. I did manage to finish Loop Hero, I even figured out some strategies that made the Hero nigh invincible. It was a hell of a rush, one hell of a game, worthy of being in my top four favorites of all time.

And then recently the gaming bug hit me and I found that Loop Hero was on mobile. I had never played mobile games before. Heck, I never had a portable gaming console before. Then to turn my smartphone into a gaming device seems almost like witchcraft. To play a game without a console or control or even a TV seems alien to me still. But, I was in the mood and there was an old favorite of mine, right there, calling to me like a sexy siren.

So what prompted this sudden itch to game again? I do have one coworker who kept going on about how much he games. On my PS4, while I usually ignore the sales ads and sales, a game called Balatro was featured and it looked like a fun card game. And then I thought “You know what game had cards and I absolutely loved? Loop Hero! Is Loop Hero on Playstation? NO! Well then, what about on Google Play so I can play it on my phone?”

Yeah, and that was when it all went down hill. Because here is the thing, I immediately enjoyed Loop Hero on mobile more so than PC. Yes, I spent hours and hours on PC playing Loop Hero and I am telling you right now mobile just feels so much better. It was as if the game was designed to be a mobile game to begin with. And hot freaking damn, did I get sucked in and love every damn minute of playing that ridiculously addictive game again.

I even went as far as beating the first boss, a Lich, with my favorite unlockable class, the Necromancer. I fought a Lich with skeletons and won! I am so salty that I was so hyper from that fact that I didn’t properly get a screenshot of my victory. I had played that game for a few hours before beating the first boss and I just kept going. I gamed so hard that I realized what late hour it was and tried to sleep but couldn’t.

Staring at a phone screen for several hours in a row is not the same as a TV or computer screen. My eyes are still twitching after a day away from my phone. I got so into Loop Hero on mobile that I had no choice but to uninstall it from my phone. There is nothing wrong with the game itself, I am convinced it is an indie masterpiece that deserves all its praise. But I cannot let my eyes stare at that screen for so long again.

I’m considering getting a tablet in the future, because now I have played Loop Hero with touch controls and cannot imagine going back to mouse controls. At least a tablet will be easier on my eyes. Although, once again, I am given another sign from a higher force in my eye strain. Perhaps Omega himself got tired of me kicking his ass over and over again, and he was the one who disconnected my internet from my old PC and it is his doing that my eyes feel off all day. I jest of course but this has been another sign that writing should be my priority.

Heck, how often have I said that anime keeps eating away my free time? And then to add one of my most favorite games into the mix? There would be no free time left, only Loop Hero, while playing an anime in the background. I actually did that, the anime was something random I pulled up off of Crunchyroll, something called "Yuru Yuri". All I remember is looking up from Loop Hero and seeing a lot of nosebleeds. Kay.

So yeah, no more Loop Hero, at least not on my phone. I mean, half my battery on my phone was gone after I stopped Loop Hero. So, no, I like my phone and don’t want to put its through all that again.

I did mention last time that I wanted to get into audiobooks and would like to have something distract my eyes and hands while my ears and brain process the story. Loop Hero feels like it would be perfect for that. I just had an awesome idea, listening to all of Blue Oyster Cult while playing Loop Hero. That would be boss!

I just cannot get mad at Loop Hero because it's such a good game and it's not the game’s fault I have an addictive personality. And that story in Loop Hero is so freaking cool too, UGH! It even appeals to the storyteller in me, it absorbed so much of my time in the last couple of days! But, at least despite all of that, I did write a couple of chapters in my current writing project, DotNO. I can get writing done as long as I don’t let myself get distracted.

Here I am writing this long winded post about my addiction to gaming, with a podcast in the background. I checked, this is at 2230+ words which makes it the length of a chapter from one of my stories. That is insane since I also wrote a couple of chapters about that length. I told myself no anime and no video games and I had one of the most productive days I have had in a while.

So, yeah, thank you for reading this long winded confession. I enjoyed writing it and feel a weight has been lifted. Maybe in the future, I will go more into my love for gaming, maybe even give a little retrospective on some classics and favorites. I’ll think about it, some gaming articles might be a neat addition to the site.

Good Luck and GAME ON,

—Buck

PS:

So, I took this screenshot while playing Loop Hero. And just so you know, I got wrecked in this fight. Come to find out vampires are pro necromancers, who knew?